“If you are having trouble changing your habits the problem isn’t you. The problem is your system.” (p. 27)
Oftentimes when we are in the process of working on ourselves and trying to better our habits we get stuck because we believe that we are the root of the problem. And if you are like me, you have told yourself at least 1 million times that you are going to eat healthier, workout 6x/ week, and read 1 chapter of the Bible everyday. But the reality is when I made those goals, I never created a system or a gameplan of how I would implement these habits. And even if I did, they would be extreme goals like waking up at 4am everyday and working out for 1hr which was never successful. If you are having a hard time changing your habits, evaluate the way that you decided you would change those habits. Evaluate your system. Was it too extreme, unrealistic, or just not necessary?
For me personally, I started with first figuring out who I wanted to be and why. Once, I had a solid grasp of my trajectory and where I knew I wanted to go. I could then figure out what my future self would be like, the type of person she was, the habits she had, how she treated others, and what her relationship with God was like. At this point, I had been sooooo burnt out of the endless cycle of starting and stopping diets, workout routines, and bible study plans that I told myself this time would be different. I didn’t care how long it took but I will take a small and realistic step in the direction that I want to go. And once I had this shift in mindset, everything changed.
I don’t know what that looks like for you, because I don’t know what your routines are or what your life looks like. But an example and something that I practiced was, waking up 30 minutes before I typically would. Once I got a solid hold of that (usually 2 weeks in), I would add another 30 minutes. I slowly built the habit of waking up early to have the ideal morning routine, and honestly it took months. AND THAT IS OK!!! During the extra time I had, I just began to experiment with different morning routines to see what worked for me. Then slowly but surely I genuinely began to be obsessed with the morning routine that I had, to the point where I get excited to go to bed because I know that I am going to have a great, productive, and fulfilling morning routine.
The point of all of this is to share how important it is when working on changing your habits, to know what the goal is, taking small realistic steps to that goal, making the process enjoyable, and also having grace for yourself when you mess up. We are all human!! We will fall short in so many ways, so it’s important to not get into the toxic spiral of guilt and shame. Again I am saying this from experience. I know that it is hard, especially if you are a perfectionist, but failure is a part of life and an integral part of growth. I wouldn’t have the habits that I have now if I let shame and guilt get the best of me.